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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Learn to Love Again

Jill was standing in the mirror after trying on the fifth outfit from her closet so far.  She was going out on a date later that evening.  Her coworker had introduced her to a family friend – single, an engineer of some sort, and “nice guy.”

This was their first date but also her first date since the breakup of her previous 2-year relationship.  And she was nervous – really nervous.  In her mind she questioned if she was really ready to start dating again. She even tossed around the idea of calling and canceling.

Well, Jill is not the only one fearful of starting over again.  Breaking-up with someone is hurtful because of two reasons.  One, you have to leave someone you loved at one point. And two, you have to face the possibility that meeting someone else will take some time – maybe even months.

Then, when you meet someone, it may or may not work out.  It’s like a catch-22.  If you don’t date, you’ll definitely never meet anyone.  But if you do date, you may get your heart broken again and be in a worse emotional state than you are in right now.

So how do you start the process over again without getting hurt?

Make sure you’re ready to gamble with love – If the thought of your previous relationship still pains you, you may not be ready to start over again.  The heart has to heal from the disappointment of the past in order for you to hope in the future.

Take things one step at a time – I am not sure WHY we start to solidify things in relationships so quickly.  Maybe it’s because we as women want security in our relationships most of all.  We want to be in a relationship that will last.  But it’s important to enjoy yourself and make sure you are enjoying yourself each time you’re with the one you’re dating.  If all your questions have been answered and you know enough about the person to make a choice, then you can make that choice.  But until then, enjoy the dates, phone calls, or even Skype chats.

Pay attention to the little pains before they turn into big ones – If you’re disappointed with something he says or does (even if it’s small) talk to your relationship coach about it.  Write about it in your journal and keep track.  Sometimes we’re disappointed with someone in the very beginning but we accept it because we’re having such a good time that we don’t want it to end.  Well, that’s like letting someone poke you with a thumbtack over and over again.  Eventually you’re going to get really sore!

All in all, if you want to love again you have to try again.  Learning new ways to handle situations or how to recognize a good man may be the key to having the loving relationship you want.  You can’t keep doing the same things and get different results.  Lucky for you there are programs you can invest in to learn new things so you can get new results.

From Christine Pembleton, Author of Ready to Be a Wife -

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