Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Learn to Love Again

Jill was standing in the mirror after trying on the fifth outfit from her closet so far.  She was going out on a date later that evening.  Her coworker had introduced her to a family friend – single, an engineer of some sort, and “nice guy.”

This was their first date but also her first date since the breakup of her previous 2-year relationship.  And she was nervous – really nervous.  In her mind she questioned if she was really ready to start dating again. She even tossed around the idea of calling and canceling.

Well, Jill is not the only one fearful of starting over again.  Breaking-up with someone is hurtful because of two reasons.  One, you have to leave someone you loved at one point. And two, you have to face the possibility that meeting someone else will take some time – maybe even months.

Then, when you meet someone, it may or may not work out.  It’s like a catch-22.  If you don’t date, you’ll definitely never meet anyone.  But if you do date, you may get your heart broken again and be in a worse emotional state than you are in right now.

So how do you start the process over again without getting hurt?

Make sure you’re ready to gamble with love – If the thought of your previous relationship still pains you, you may not be ready to start over again.  The heart has to heal from the disappointment of the past in order for you to hope in the future.

Take things one step at a time – I am not sure WHY we start to solidify things in relationships so quickly.  Maybe it’s because we as women want security in our relationships most of all.  We want to be in a relationship that will last.  But it’s important to enjoy yourself and make sure you are enjoying yourself each time you’re with the one you’re dating.  If all your questions have been answered and you know enough about the person to make a choice, then you can make that choice.  But until then, enjoy the dates, phone calls, or even Skype chats.

Pay attention to the little pains before they turn into big ones – If you’re disappointed with something he says or does (even if it’s small) talk to your relationship coach about it.  Write about it in your journal and keep track.  Sometimes we’re disappointed with someone in the very beginning but we accept it because we’re having such a good time that we don’t want it to end.  Well, that’s like letting someone poke you with a thumbtack over and over again.  Eventually you’re going to get really sore!

All in all, if you want to love again you have to try again.  Learning new ways to handle situations or how to recognize a good man may be the key to having the loving relationship you want.  You can’t keep doing the same things and get different results.  Lucky for you there are programs you can invest in to learn new things so you can get new results.

From Christine Pembleton, Author of Ready to Be a Wife -

Monday, June 27, 2011

How to Date and Stay Saved by Kim Brooks

How Singles Persevere at Christmastime

How to Date as a Single Parent

Speaking with Abstinent Men

Are you single and saved? Want to know how to date as a single Christian while still enjoying a loving, romantic relationship that leads to the altar before the bedroom? Then tune in to national bestselling author and licensed minister, Kim Brooks' show based off the title of her newest book, "How to Date and Stay Saved." This show shares free tips from her book and interviews singles experts and well-known personalities about Christian Singles issues, Christian Dating and today's single Christian, Sex and the single believer, and more. Kim Brooks, a renown singles minister, Christian dating expert and abstinence until marriage advocate who not only preaches but practices abstinence as a virgin in her early 30's, is the author of Black Expressions' Bestseller, "He's Fine...But is He Saved?" its sequel, "He's Saved...but is He For Real?" and non-fiction mini-book, "The Little Black Survival Book for Single Saints." Tune in to the show and tell your single friends and loved ones about it as well. And as always, be and STAY encouraged!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Experiencing Healthy Relationships

We live in a world where physical and emotional promiscuity is very prevalent.  Guys engage in unhealthy, codependent relationships with women.  Some women strive to hold on to men who do not desire a commitment.  The culture of our day encourages individuals to simply date to marry rather than marry to date.  People want the benefits of marriage without the responsibility and the commitment that is inherent in the marriage union.  They want to enjoy the companionship, comfort, protection, and even financial benefit without entering the covenant that God has established for marriage.

Often though relationships that can only be defined as unhealthy, women are searching for any support and protection that men can offer, and men are in need of the nurturing environment women are capable of providing.  All of this toxic activity is being carried on in the name of dating.  And as a result, many people find themselves emotionally connected during the dating process, and subsequently they become quite devastated when the relationship ends.  Thsi is a dangerous situation in which to be in volved, because an emotional connectivity of this nature was designed for marriage only and not for a dating relationship.

See relationships and marriage the way God designed them:

1.  Men are to be the initiators and women are to be the responders when it comes to establishing personal contact with each other.

2.  Focus intentionally on developing healthy male friendships.

3.  Go through the process of self-examination and remember the principle of selflessness.

4.  Live by faith.

5.  A real friend will tell you what you need to hear - not just what you want to hear.

6.  Contentment should be reemphasized as another foundational element of having a balanced relationship that pleases God.

7.  Your love for God must be preeminent over all else.

Excerpt from "When Love's in View" by Dr. Conway and Jada Edwards

Christianity and The Single Woman

If you are an unmarried Christian woman, you are more blessed than you think.   Single women are in a very good position to truly fulfill God’s purpose for their lives.  Most importantly, God can use single women in His Ministry much better than He can use married women.  Our God loves devotion, complete devotion.  At the same time, He loves marriage, and a sense of family.  He knows that a married person is much more likely to be torn apart, because of the spouse’s beliefs or family considerations. A married woman has to make time for the family, so as to keep it strong and intact, which pleases God. But a single woman, is much more available for God to use.

The most important thing to realize is that, it will happen at the best possible time.  The best thing you could do now is to allow God to work in your life, allow Him to use you, while you are still available. Just relax and let Him be God. If you are stressed and desperate, you are also chasing/scaring away potential mates.
Enjoy being a single, independent woman. Chances are, once you get married, you will in one way or another miss your days as a single woman. A plus to enjoying yourself is that, if you do that, it will show, and that will attract some good potential partners. Everyone likes being around happy people; life can be stressful. Make yourself attractive, don’t be miserable.

Being desperate for a walk down the aisle may cause you to welcome anyone, or anything for that matter, that can promise that desired walk. So be careful not to be desperate.

Be yourself. You might not realise it, but being yourself is the best way to attract someone with whom you are compatible. This is because they will see some traits that they like in you, so they will get attracted to the real you. If you fake things, and present to the world, a different person to the one that you truly are, you are not doing yourself any favours at all. The person you attract will have to flea once he realises that you ‘lied’ to him. So, be who you really are, don’t be a fake. After all, what woman would want a man to love her because he thought she was somebody else?  Who wants to be loved for all the wrong reasons?

I wish you the all the contentment, success and growth that unmarried/single women could claim!

Don't Call the Maintenance Man

"For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his." ~ Hebrews 4:10 (KJV)

When I get out of God's way, He works on my behalf - I can't fix it myself!!

When you are entering into God's rest you'll stop trying to fix it yourself.

Have you ever tried to help God out? I mean, He wasn't moving fast enough for you, you thought. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You may still be trying to help God out right now. The cologne you wear isn't going to get you that right man, and the hairstyle isn't going to get you the right man, the suit or dress isn't going to get you the right man. Now, you ought to look as good as you can, but that isn't what's going to do it. However this "somebody" that God sends to FIND YOU, will be "somebody" who will think you look good regardless of all that.

He has enough force and enough power, and enough angels, and enough of everything necessary to take care of you and yours and far beyond what you could ever require. He doesn't like it when you try and help Him. He says, "Believe Me, believe My Word and enter into My rest."

"Step Back, Let God Do It!" You have to enter into that rest by getting out of the way. Cease from your own labor, and then God's supernatural ability will enter in and take care of the situation.