#AlltheSingleLadies: Pre-Marital Sex, Is It Worth It?

There's no way around it—today's culture fills our minds with hundreds of reasons to just go ahead and have sex outside of marriage. But as Christians, we don't want to simply follow everyone else. We want to follow Christ and know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage.

10 Reasons Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage

Reason #1 - God Tells Us Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage

In the seventh of God's Ten Commandments, he instructs us not to have sex with anyone other than our spouse. It is clear that God forbids sex outside of marriage. When we obey God, he is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us.

Deuteronomy 28:1-3 If you fully obey the LORD your God ... [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God ... (NIV)

God has a reason for giving us this command. First and foremost, he knows what's best for us. By obeying him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.

Reason #2 - We Won't Miss Out on the Blessing of the Wedding Night

There's something very special about a couple's first time. In this physical act the two become one flesh. Yet it is more than just physical oneness — a spiritual union takes place. God planned for this exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure to happen only within the intimacy of marriage. If we don't wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.

1 Corinthians 6:16 Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." (The Message)

Reason #3 - We Will Be Spiritually Healthier

If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.

Romans 8:8,13 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live ... (NIV)

Reason #4 - We Will Be Physically Healthier

This one is a no-brainer. If we refrain from sex outside of marriage, we will be protected from the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases.

1 Corinthians 6:18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (NLT)

Reason #5 - We Will Be Emotionally Healthier

One reason God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure has to do with baggage. We carry baggage into our sexual relationships. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn't mean we're free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)

#AlltheSingleLadies: Experiencing a Toothache Called Loneliness

In a sense, loneliness is like a toothache: It's a warning signal that something is wrong. And like a toothache, if left unattended, it usually gets worse. Your first response to loneliness may be to self-medicate - to try home remedies to make it go away.

Busyness is a common treatment.

You may think that if you fill your life with so many activities that you don't have time to think about your loneliness, you'll be cured. But busyness misses the message. It's like trying to heal a toothache by taking your mind off it. Busyness is only a distraction, not a cure.

Buying is another favorite therapy.

Maybe if you purchase something new, if you "reward" yourself, you'll feel better. And surprisingly, you do feel better - but only for a short while. Buying things to fix your loneliness is like an anesthetic. Sooner or later the numbing effect wears off. Then the pain comes back as strong as ever. Buying can also compound your problems with a mountain of credit card debt.

Bed is a third response to loneliness.

You may believe that intimacy is what you need, so you make an unwise choice with sex. Like the prodigal son, after you come to your senses, you're horrified to discover that this attempt at a cure not only makes loneliness worse, it also makes you feel desperate and cheap. This is the false cure of our modern culture, which promotes sex as a game, as recreation. This response to loneliness always ends in feelings of alienation and regret.

God's answer to loneliness is not the quantity of your relationships, but the quality.

How is your relationship with God? Is it close and intimate, like that of a loving, caring father and his child? Or is your relationship with God cold and distant, only superficial?

As you reconnect with God and your prayers become more conversational and less formal, you'll actually feel God's presence. His reassurance is not just your imagination. We worship a God who lives among his people through the Holy Spirit. Loneliness is God's way, first, of drawing you closer to him, then forcing you to reach out to other people.

For many of you, improving your relationships with others and letting them get close to you is a distasteful cure, as dreaded as taking your toothache to a dentist. But satisfying, meaningful relationships take time and work. You are afraid to open up. You are afraid to let another person open up to you.

If you muster the courage to restore your relationship with God, then with others, you'll find your loneliness lifting. This is not a spiritual Band-Aid, but a real cure that works.

Your risks toward others will be rewarded. You'll find someone who understands and cares, and you'll find others whom you understand and care about as well. Like a visit to the dentist, this cure turns out to be not only final, but much less painful than you feared.

#AlltheSingleLadies: Keep it Moving...!

Postponing life until marriage is one of the commonest traps singles can fall into.

You think, "When I'm married I'll do this…" or, "After I get married then I'll finally be happy…"

But marriage may be farther off than you think, and for some of you, marriage may not happen at all. Postponing life can start as a harmless wish but can turn into a self-limiting habit that keeps you from becoming the person God wants you to be.

For most singles, going places and doing things alone can be scary. One of God's best gifts is a good friend who's ready to go on the spur of the moment. Friendships like that have to be cultivated, which means you need to overlook others' faults. When you are honest enough to admit you have faults of your own, you can be forgiving of others. Simply practicing the Golden Rule can strengthen any relationship.

Your life gets bigger every time you trust God and step out in faith. At first you may feel apprehensive, but God can give you the courage you lack.

#AlltheSingleLadies: Getting It Straight

God's business is putting things right; 
      he loves getting the lines straight, 
   Setting us straight. Once we're standing tall, 
      we can look him straight in the eye.


Psalm 11:7 (MSG)

#AlltheSingleLadies: Defeat of the Enemies

I'm thanking you, God, from a full heart, I'm writing the book on your wonders. 
   I'm whistling, laughing, and jumping for joy; 
      I'm singing your song, High God. 

The day my enemies turned tail and ran, 
      they stumbled on you and fell on their faces. 
   You took over and set everything right; 
      when I needed you, you were there, taking charge. 

You blow the whistle on godless nations; 
      you throw dirty players out of the game, 
      wipe their names right off the roster. 
   Enemies disappear from the sidelines, 
      their reputation trashed, 
      their names erased from the halls of fame. 

God holds the high center, 
      he sees and sets the world's mess right. 
   He decides what is right for us earthlings, 
      gives people their just deserts. 


Psalm 9:1-8 (MSG)

#AlltheSingleLadies: Can't Get By

Nobody gets by with anything. 
      God is already in action— 
   Sword honed on his whetstone, 
      bow strung, arrow on the string, 
   Lethal weapons in hand, 
      each arrow a flaming missile. 

Look at that guy! 
      He had sex with sin, 
      he's pregnant with evil. 
   Oh, look! He's having 
      the baby—a Lie-Baby! 

See that man shoveling day after day, 
      digging, then concealing, his man-trap 
      down that lonely stretch of road? 
   Go back and look again—you'll see him in it headfirst, 
      legs waving in the breeze. 
   That's what happens: 
      mischief backfires; 
      violence boomerangs. 

I'm thanking God, who makes things right. 
   I'm singing the fame of heaven-high God.


Psalm 7:11-17 (MSG)

#AlltheSingleLadies: Affection Starvation

Please, God, no more yelling, no more trips to the woodshed. 
   Treat me nice for a change; 
      I'm so starved for affection. 

Can't you see I'm black-and-blue, 
      beat up badly in bones and soul? 
   God, how long will it take 
      for you to let up? 

Break in, God, and break up this fight; 
      if you love me at all, get me out of here. 
   I'm no good to you dead, am I? 
      I can't sing in your choir if I'm buried in some tomb! 

I'm tired of all this—so tired. My bed 
      has been floating forty days and nights 
   On the flood of my tears. 
      My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears. 
   The sockets of my eyes are black holes; 
      nearly blind, I squint and grope. 

Get out of here, you Devil's crew: 
      at last God has heard my sobs. 
   My requests have all been granted, 
      my prayers are answered. 

Cowards, my enemies disappear. 
   Disgraced, they turn tail and run.




Psalm 6 (MSG)